Sitting in a little café opposite one of India’s finest science and technology institutes producing the great minds, the elite, who will take the country marching into the future, you can see all that is wrong with the whole stinking machine.
There are 3 tables occupied by a bunch of geniuses who look scared to have ventured across the road into the big, bad outside world. At each table, there’s a ‘coach’ talking his mouth off. They’re being prepared for placement interviews. All I can hear is farts.
“You should be confident, yet respectful.”
These gurus are dressed in their Friday casuals (if you know exactly what that means, your life is a miserable waste of time), teaching the geniuses how to handle interviews with their glorious corporation – a consultancy. The same consultancy that helped the good men at Enron snatch the underwear off half of the USofA’s bottoms, then changed their name overnight and went, “Enron, huh, what?” Then, they had the balls to go all moral on poor Tiger Woods’ ass. He should have been the perfect ambassador for them, fucking people and forgetting about them.
“It’s important to understand the culture of the company and show how you will be a perfect fit.”
Allow me to vomit.
But that’s not what annoys me. What does is that these geniuses are engineers. Fucking engineers! They’ve spent years studying the sciences with the best facilities and teachers available in the country. Why the hell do they want to work for a consultant?
But we know why, don’t we. And maybe it’s better than going to a fucking bank.
I want to shake the idiots by their collars and tell them they’re being robbed blind by these charlatans. That is their culture: making crazy money by talking shit. It’s incredibly sad to see 22-year-olds being taught how to talk in management newspeak, how to erase any remaining traces of individuality, how to spout jargon and become fucking suits.
What is the point of all this. How have we ended up with such an absurd mockery of education. Why would you waste four years studying circuits and code and thermodynamics (and two more for an MBA, but let’s not even start on that) just to become a forex trader at a Swiss bank. It makes no sense. Imagine all the doctors slogging for 5 years to get an MBBS degree and going off to open McDonald’s franchisees. At least they might be able to save lives (if someone starts choking on a Maharaja Mac, or gets a cardiac arrest with the surge of cholesterol from the king-size fries). What special talent will engineers bring? Fixing the old fridge? They can’t even do that. It makes no fucking sense.
Why not just give out degrees immediately after the engineering entrance exam? The degrees are nothing but trophies anyway. They don’t actually teach you anything, just give you a false impression of superiority. And that gives you a completely gratuitous sense of self-entitlement and a creepy grin on your face, which helps you through an MBA. And if all that the B-schools and these consultants want is to filter out the “dim” ones, surely the entrance exam will be enough. Nothing they learn in the next four years will be of any use at all to anyone. They might as well save all that time and start learning the intricacies of spewing bullshit and defrauding people at the more impressionable age of nineteen.
That way, the ones who really are serious about doing something that matters in the real world can go on to post-grad and do some actual research. The others can just start making their PPTs and excels. That’s all they’ll ever need, apart from being full of shit.
“You must understand how to streamline resources and optimize the workflow across various sectors. It’s not easy. If it was, they wouldn’t need us.”
Heaven fucking forbid.
Where is Bullshit Man when you need him?
Also, a different version of the song featured in the previous post.
Fuck me, this is starting to look like a video blog or something.